Microwave Generation

I think this phenomena of the “microwave generation” is negatively impacting all aspects of our American life.  For those of you who haven’t heard of this phrase, it’s basically referring to the fact that we have become accustomed to things instantaneously rather than waiting for something in its own time.

There are several things that are leading to this post: conversations, reflections, reading, and more than likely a huge influence is the time-it is 1:30am and I am exhausted, but keep thinking about this thought I am going to try to put into words.

We are created in God’s image.  I believe the creation all around us reflects God’s character-in this, I am also referring to seasons, plants, harvests, nature, etc.  It breaks my heart that so much of our image of God is being jaded by the culture we are surrounded by-this so-called “microwave generation” mentality.  There is a time where a carrot is nothing but a tiny thing under the ground.  In looking at the ground, it sure doesn’t seem like there’s much going on-especially not something actively being created that could potentially help sustain us, nourish us, and replenish us.  Oftentimes in seasons of loneliness, frustration, and dissatisfaction in our lives, we expect a quick fix.  Rather, I expect a quick fix.  I don’t want to go through the negative to get to the positive.  I just want it all positive.  And right now.  Or even yesterday.

I have been so encouraged by reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and through conversations at my Bible Study tonight at how much God’s character truly is revealed through His creation.  I have been disillusioned by this “need” for busyness, and doing (we are human beings afterall, right?  Not human doings), and productivity as measured by what I can mark of my list.  I pray that I can be more sensitive to His desire for my life-rather than my society’s desire for my life.  That I can sit still and bask in the knowledge that HE I S GOD.  I desire to reflect Him in all that I do-not just at the times that are convenient, or when I feel like it, or when it’s my desire.  Different things are in season at different times.  I want to wholeheartedly embrace what I am experiencing in this season.  A season of singleness (despite my desire to have children), a season of transition (despite my desire for stability), a season of relying on Him (despite my desire to map it all out), a season to learn and grown (despite my desire to be complacent), a season of learning to slow down (despite my desire to go, go, go) and a season of nobody commenting on my blog (despite my desire to have hundreds of comments daily) . 

What season are you in?

She’s Leaving Us For Jesus!

So, my students new ploy for making me feel guilty is constantly reminding me that I am “leaving them for Jesus!”.  Although there are some pangs of guilt, I am also glad that they understand why I’m going…even if they don’t get it quite yet!  I keep telling them that one day they will understand when they look back on it!

It is now relatively official: I called today to inform the Women’s Program director at Denton Bible Church that I will definitely not be attending their program in August.  It was a tough decision since it is a program I have wanted to do since becoming a Christian in 2000.  However, I am finally back close to my family and have formed a group of solid friends that I am not quite ready to leave yet!

So, as of this point, I will be applying to the Horizon School of Evangelism in San Diego and see what the Lord does there!  I have no idea where I’ll be living, how I’ll be making money, what I’ll do, etc.  And, it’s really exciting!  I am so used to planning out my life, it’s nice to be at a point to fully rely upon the Lord to provide!  I know He’ll do way more than I could even plan anyways!

 

Off I Go!

I’m heading to Texas on Friday morning (really more like Thursday night since I’m leaving so early…sorry, sister!). Going to yet another wedding that I’m highly looking forward to!

It will also be a good time to seek out where God wants me next year…I’d almost rather have doors closed than having to choose a “better” option (I know you can empathize, KD)! Most of you know this, some of you don’t: I’m 99% sure I’ll be moving to San Diego next year to do a Discipleship program at a non-denominational church down there. Please continue to pray for me as I commit to a decision that is led by my desire to serve and honor Him!

Perspective

Today, on my flight home, I was once again reminded of God’s sovereignty and beautiful promises and faithfulness. I had fallen asleep before the plane even took off while we were idling in the runway. About an hour later, I woke up just in time to see my favorite view (similar to one I’ve shared on here before) of the clouds and how beautiful they are when you look down upon them. They really just remind me of the heaven I picture (although I know it might not be realistic…you all know what I’m talking about!). I fell back asleep smiling since I felt God had nudged me awake just to allow me see that wondrous view. A few minutes (seconds?) later I woke up again and peered out the window to see myself in the midst of those clouds I had just admired. And it was kinda ugly. Gray and blurry and really not much to write home about. And it made the ride bumpy for a short while. This reminded me of the importance of perspective. Moments before, I had admired God’s beautiful layout and intricate design of the clouds. However, now in the midst of those clouds, I was not as amused.

This reminded me of my life right now. While a little bit removed (like I was this weekend while at home for Lindsay’s wedding), I can think about all I have to do and feel okay, satisfied, and even encouraged and calm at times. But, while in the midst of things (Tuesday night comes to mind, Jamie and Bekah), I get distraught, disheartened, overwhelmed, etc. So, while flying through the clouds, I was reminded it’s all about a shift of perspective. Things this week with Testing might suck a little bit. Hey, maybe even a lot. But, once I’m a little removed from the situation, I’ll be able to relax and breathe, and even remember that God’s beauty and grace and goodness were reflected even in the worst of times. And really, it’s not even the worst of times. It just seems so from that perspective.

American Heritage Dictionary
per·spec·tive (pər-spěk’tĭv)
n.

1. A view or vista.
2. A mental view or outlook: “It is useful occasionally to look at the past to gain a perspective on the present” (Fabian Linden).
3. The relationship of aspects of a subject to each other and to a whole: a perspective of history; a need to view the problem in the proper perspective.

Just Another Manic Monday

So, my day begins.  I’m still a little bitter about the fact that I woke up in amidst a hot flash a few hours prior and immediately stormed the house in a sweaty panic looking for an extra fan to cool my hot self back to sleep.  Thank you, sister, for your prompt attention to this matter.

On the other hand, I am pretty satisfied with my night’s sleep because it was one of those that erroneously seemed to last much longer than it truly was.  Then I kinda got startled as I opened my bedroom door and noted that the TV was still blasting and realized our windows were wide open with the blinds pulled back revealing everything to the world.  I then realized my sister’s friend had opted to crash in the middle of our family room as my sister’s room resembled more of a hot sauna or steambath than comfortable sleeeping accommodations.

As I rushed and got ready for work, I was feeling pretty proud of my 12 minute timing and was ready to head out the door with my lunch, dinner, and snacks packed for the day along with a bag to go to the gym right after tutoring.  Totally on it for a Monday, if I do say so myself.  I jumped in RegEnDev ready for the week which includes building a bike for my upcoming triathlon, having my mom visit during work Wednesday,  two days of sub coverage to get stuff done for the impending testing that’s right around the corner, and a weekend FCA reunion in Santa Barbara.  So, really, a pretty stellar week up ahead.  You know you’re jealous.

So, I continue along my merry way.  I remember seeing several of the same students I see everyday at the bus stop and wonder if they’re beginning to recognize me as well…or if I’m too sporadic in my departure times to really even be noted.  I go through one stop sign, then another.  And that’s when I hear it.  We all know the dreaded sound.  Sirens.  And not just any sirens.  Sirens that are clearly after you.  So I obligingly pull over and here’s the conversation that followed after I manually rolled down Reg’s window (thankfully the sticky sticker has given way enough that this is a possibility; not so a few days ago):

Officer: “So, do you know why I pulled you over?”   

Me:  “Yeah, I just ran a stop sign”

Officer: “Two actually.  And the second one I was right behind you.”

Me: “Oh, yeah.  Oops.”  Must have been when I was looking for my make up brush to scoop up some of the make up that spilled on my middle console and that I still use daily for the sake of saving money.  Don’t think this interaction is gonna help any in the save money department.

Officer: “Are you in a hurry to go to work?  Where do you work?”

Me: “Yeah, I guess.  I’m a teacher at Gompers Middle School in Watts.”  Yeah, I admit it…trying to get mercy points here.  I mean something’s gotta give, right?!  It’s Monday morning!

Officer: “Woah, that might be more dangerous than my job…license and registration?”

Me: Actually, after the recent news and local street closings due to your fellow officers being shot and the shooters subsequently found hiding in my neighbor’s jacuzzi, I find it hard to believe you really think my job is more dangerous. “Actually, I just bought my car and interestingly enough, my registration got in the mail Saturday and I didn’t bring it with me.  I do have my license.  Although, the address is wrong.  I did go to the DMV and tell them about the address change” Too much information, I know.  What I didn’t say was that I updated my address two years ago at my previous address change, in which they never sent me a new license.  Really doesn’t seem like my problem though.  Disorganization serves noone good.

So, that’s how it got started.  But, the big revelation came next.  As he was writing my ticket, I found myself enjoying my time just sitting.  I had the opportunity to apply makeup without having to worry about driving at the same time, which I found to be much safer, less stressful, and led to a more even application.  I also was able to sing along to Matt Redman and really started thanking God for the reminder to just sit and savor time with him.  And that’s subsequently when I realized I am absolutely too busy.  To be praising God for a traffic violation solely for the opportunity to sit is pretty sick.  I need a change of life pace.  And soon.  All of this peace lasted about three to five minutes until I realized I was blocking a driveway in which two cars were waiting to leave.  I tried moving to let them out…but, you guessed it…cops aren’t too fond of that.  He loudly proclaimed they could wait and I sat where I was.  Embarrassing.

But, he did apologize for yelling at me afterwards and “just gave me a citation for running the one stop sign since that’s what he was put there to do since they’re having problems with it lately”.  Well, no wonder.  It’s a pointless stop sign.  And I probably run it three times daily.  So, really, I can’t be too mad.  The nice officer “just advised me on the second stop sign” rather than citing me twice for the same violation one block apart from each other.  What a saint!

Any other interesting citations amongst my blogging friends?

                                                                              

 

 

Dynamic and deliberate

As of late, I have been encouraged, inspired, and reminded of God’s faithfulness. And the reality that a relationship with Him is just like any other in the respect that it is constantly evolving and changing and growing. How astounding that the Creator of the Universe desires to have an intimate relationship with me. I am thankful for my mom’s request to hear how I became a Christian now almost nine years ago….crazy to not have shared that! I am grateful for my dad’s confliction over Sunday’s sermon and the questions and conversations it prompted. All of it reminds me that God desires to have each one of us constantly be striving to know Him more and be more aware of His presence.

The past few months, I have been taking a course at the Bible College offered through my church on Galatians and Ephesians. I have thoroughly enjoyed the consistency this brought to my spiritual life and the fire it lit to learn more and grow more. Through the people in my class, my professor, and ultimately the Holy Spirit, I have been challenged to dig deeper. Although I am sad tonight was our last class, I will be taking a course on Prayer next semester starting May 14th. I feel like I got a little sneak peak tonight in class. John mentioned the fact that a majority of (if not all) the prayers in the New Testament are commands (i.e. in the storm, Jesus commands “Be still”. The Lord’s Prayer “Thy will be done, Thy Kingdom come”) and they are approached in a positive light (“Be healed”, “Be cleansed” rather than “Do not be in pain any longer”, “Do not be dirty anymore”). This really shed a light onto my prayer life. So often, I find myself requesting selfish prayers such as “take my anxiety away…help me stop worrying” rather than declaring the promises I have in Jesus “Give me peace. Calm my heart.” etc. A slight shift of semantics, really, but with powerful implications!

Also on my heart lately has been the importance of ‘community’ (one of the Christian buzz words, I know…but still!) and accountability. Sometimes I worry that I get too caught up in this…but really, in being created in His image, we are relational beings so it’s only natural that I would desire these relationships in my life. And I am thankful for the people He has placed in my life to bring stability, accountability, and encouragement! He is a good God who loves us well.

In His Hands…

That time has come again.  Today marks the fourth year since Kisha passed away.  Today is what would have been her 25^th birthday.  I think back on my 25^th year that has just recently concluded; it was one of my favorite and I can’t help but be sad she isn’t able to experience it for herself.  However, there is a part of me as I learn more about Heaven and eternity; that is also a little panged with jealousy in knowing where she is. 

 

It is interesting that oftentimes when we go through trials, we are unable to understand why things are going on.  Although I do not fully comprehend His entire purpose in her death, hindsight has given me the ability to see the good that He has promised would come out of things like this.  During her last week at the hospital, I promised her that I would share her story….His story through her….often.  Of course, as time has passed, I haven’t shared it as much as I would have liked to believe I was going to.  Many of you know this story, some of you do not.  I will probably do it a disservice in trying to convey it in a written format, but I hope you will be able to see His sovereignty through it all.

 

Kisha and I became friends my sophomore year (her freshman) at the University of North Texas.  She was a track athlete and was often around our dorm.  We instantly hit it off and became practically inseparable.  Of course, with anybody you spend that much time with, feelings were hurt and there are a lot of things I regret about our relationship.  The main one is how much I turned her off to God, prompting her even once to tell me that I made her hate God.  What terrible words to hear.  Particularly when they ring true.

 

In March of 2004, I attended a service at Fellowship that convicted me about my relationship with Kisha.  They were encouraging us to think about what we had in our lives that we were not surrendering to God.  I wanted so much to have Kisha fall in love with Jesus, I had taken it into my own hands and ruined it (thankfully God is much bigger than my mistakes!).  I instantly turned it over to the Lord, cried about it, and apologized to her for all I had done wrong.  And it was a lot.  It was interesting watching her in the last month of her life.  She expressed to me doubts about some things that were going on in her life (that, in looking back, shows me God totally moving in her heart).  She let me know she was just waiting for things to be perfect (to which I replied, you know they’re never going to be until we’re in Heaven).  And, she knew in her last week that she would be dying in a car accident.  Unfortunately, I kinda scoffed at this idea although many of our last conversations revolved around this.  She said she wasn’t afraid, that she had become closer to God during that week because rather than turning to me she would turn straight to Him, and I found out later she had even been talking to another Christian friend at night asking questions about salvation and Heaven.  Her mom remembers seeing her a few weeks prior and it struck her how much she looked like an angel.  God was definitely leading her life.

 

Our last interaction was something I will hold in my heart forever.  She was going to go on a motorcycle ride with a friend and we were supposed to go to her Aunt’s later that day.  That morning, her mom called, she called her brothers, and she even heard from her dad.  We were watching Venus and Serena.  Her friend called to let her know he was outside waiting.  When she got to the door, she turned back and told me she loved me.  And reminded me that it would probably be the last time she would tell me that in person.  I asked if there was anything she wanted me to tell to anybody and she told me to “just let them know that I love them”.  She came back to give me a hug and I said, “Just make sure you have Jesus in your heart and I’ll see you when I get to Heaven.”   It is very evident the Holy Spirit was guiding this conversation because, really, who has a conversation like this when your best friend tells you she’s going to die?!  She came back in a few minutes later with her helmet on to say a quick “Hey, girl” (those of you that know her can hear her saying this) and headed back out.  A few hours later, she called to let me know that she would just meet me at Monica’s.  Little did I know that would be the last time I would hear her voice.

 

I got to Monica’s and instantly knew something was wrong.  Kisha was not there yet.  I got a picture in my head of myself working the next year and sharing about how I had lost my best friend the year before.  I called her right away and left a voice mail wondering where she was.  Literally, two minutes later, the phone rang.  Tay answered it and started screaming and handed me the phone.  It was their grandma letting us know Kisha had been in a motorcycle accident and was at the hospital.

 

The next six days were surreal.  I can’t even completely remember all that went on.  But it was a lot.  Her pastor referred to it as the Harris Methodist Revival (the hospital she was at).  My mom flew in town, close to 30 people were in and out each day, and we formed new friendships.  It was a roller coaster ride of not knowing if she would make it, being convinced that she would, and hearing in my mind all of our conversations from the week before.  She was ready to go Home.  Her biggest fear in dying young was that her mom would be devastated.

 

On Good Friday, April 9th, Kisha’s 21^st birthday, her mom came in and let us know the Lord had awoken her that morning to tell her He needed to take Kisha home.  After singing Happy Birthday and saying good-bye, her mom let her know that she would be okay and God would give her strength, and we would all make it.  She died within 20 minutes.  About 50 of us shared in celebrating her life that day.  And began to mourn her death.

 

Although many of the details come and go, and I’m sure that each of us involved has a different perspective, it is impossible to try to claim that God was not involved in all of this.  At her funeral, I watched hundreds of people touched by His story of her life.  At the hospital, on airplanes, at my job….I listened to people who were impacted because of all of this.  I watched her brother stand up in a congregation and share words from 1 Peter: “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold…may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed”.  Why do we question Him?  His love, His care, His patience, and long-suffering nature.  He works in mysterious ways that continually point back to the Truth that has gotten me this far. 

 

I am grateful for the short time I got to have Kisha in my life.  For her family that has been so supportive and loving.  For my better understanding of the Lord because of our friendship.  And, even for the pain of her death that has drawn me closer to Him.  Although there are few days that pass that I do not think about her, I am comforted in knowing Someone much bigger than all of this has it all under control.  And I wait patiently for the day I will be up there too, praying I make the most of the limited time I am given here. 

We are called to Love…

So a lot has been on my heart today about the fragility and brevity of life here on earth.   I was made aware today of a dear student of mine who has been going through some frustrations at home and at school and has had a difficult time learning how to cope with it all in a healthy manner.  After many tears and difficult conversations, we are all working together to ensure she gets the help that she needs to overcome what’s going on.  But, that really hit me hard.  I am grateful she felt comfortable confiding in me, but I am pained by what she is going through.  I am crying as I write this just feeling at such a loss as to what to do to help.  I really do not feel I know what to say or what to do, nor do I feel prepared for all the situations I am confronted with in the lives of those around me.  I was affirmed tonight by a friend who said, obviously you do or God would not have you there….and another who reminded me of the importance of continually allowing God to speak through me.

When caught up in all the emotions, frustration, and sadness, this becomes a difficult thing to remember to do.  I become selfish wondering why this is happening to people around me and why I feel the hurt the way that I do.  Really, though, it has not happened to me.  It has happened to the people around me that I love so deeply and dearly.  Which ultimately leads to feeling pain when they feel pain.  In thinking back on my life, I can’t help but feel a little guilty for how “easy” things have been for me.  Even though I have struggled with some things, the events that have impacted me most deeply really have not concerned me at all: my parent’s divorce, my sister’s hurts, Kisha’s death, my student’s disappointments.  But, because I love these people, I feel some of the pain.

It is coming up on four years since my best friend, Kisha Gentry, passed away.  In some ways, it seems like days and in some ways it seems like an eternity.  I can still hear her laugh and often find myself thinking about what she would have said in response to different stories or situations.  But, I sometimes wonder how our friendship would have developed.  Many of my friendships have changed throughout my many moves across the states and through my constant changing, growing, and learning and I wonder where she would have been in the picture. 

I just finished watching a Dateline which spoke about two students from Taylor University who were a case of ‘mistaken identity’.  There was a terrible accident and five people were killed….five weeks later, it was discovered that the one girl in Intensive Care was actually one of the five whose funeral had been held, memorial service had been attended, and whose body had been buried.  Can you imagine the twist of events for both of these families?  What a bittersweet time.  But, how interesting that the girl who has since fully recovered has been able to watch her funeral on video tape and see the site where her family chose to bury her.  What a surreal feeling.  Morbid, really.  But what an interesting experience to have the opportunity to live the rest of your life with a different perspective.  What would be said at my funeral?  Am I living in a way that glorifies God?  What else can I do today to ensure I have no regrets?  Will I one day here the words I yearn to hear: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

I finished reading a book entitled, In Light of Eternity which was a very eye-opening look at Heaven and what we have to expect (and all that is beyond what we could even imagine) when that day comes.  I took a few students out tonight and it was neat getting to have a conversation about heaven and each of our thoughts about it.  I really am more scared of getting hurt than dying.  But, this fear definitely holds me back from doing many things I really would like to do.

Through all of this going on in my heart, I pray God continues to use this to have me draw closer to Him.  When confronted with situations so much bigger than me, I hope that I am constantly reminded of His sovereignty.  With all the reminders of death around us, I am confident that the Lord will use them as reminders to make the most of each day….for Him.  After all, we are called to Love.  And let’s do so with reckless abandon.  Even if it hurts.

 Sorry if this was little “Debbie-downer”!  More uplifting posts to follow I’m sure!

In the Heavenlies

Maybe it’s a little naive or me to still envision heaven as a place filled of endless fluffy (are the cumulus?) clouds and crystal blue skies–but I do think at least part of heaven will have thie somewhere.  I mean, this picture and idea must have started somewhere, right? (Okay, I know there’s no scripture backing me up here persay-but none directly rules it out-or so it seems from my limited understanding).

Regardless, I woke up from my plane ride nap today (now yesterday) and looked out the window and it took my breath away as I envisioned heaven–or maybe just a park or something in heaven–looking like this. (Sidenote: I am currently writing from the friendly skies for a post-which puts a little pressure on me as I’ve never “premeditated a post” before-yeah, that’s right-all posts are posted due to rash decision making on my part.  I should probably keep all of this out of the post as well so there isn’t an elevated hope of the outcome of this particular post).  I was inclined to wake up the woman next to me* and share in this breath-taking beauty.  I mean, I’ve inadvertantly awoken somebody by my massive twitching-before-I-fall-asleep on a plane–wouldn’t this be a little more well-received?  I finally decided it’d be better not to-but I’m carefully keeping my eye on her (not in a creepy way, well…I don’t think-her husband’s next to her and might be concerned if that were the case) for an opportune time to share this with her*.

Okay, I’ve received confirmation.  Lady next to me* concurs in my understanding of how beautiful this is and she added to it that it must be part of what heaven will look like.  Oh, sweet sigh of relief.

Speaking of crazy things, I feel I have an online confession to make.  I have stalker tendencies, but in the nicest, non-creepy way possible–particularly when it comes to google and blogs.  I’ve found blogs through friends of friends of friends’ sites and gotten really invested in their lives (yes, and even posted anonymous comments) and find myself curious as to what is going on and what God is doing through them now (kinda reminds me of when my dad confided in me he stopped watching soap operas-All My Children actually, since it was my mom’s favorite-when he found himself concerned at work about the characters in the show.  He couldn’t believe it was actually entering his mind outside of watching it.  So he stopped.  Cold turkey.)  Well, that happens to me quite a bit (the part where it occupies my thoughts during work)–luckily JP’s information about the website “Bloglines” (if you don’t know what it is, go check it out.   Now.  You can link all your blogs there to know when a new one’s been posted rather than searching each site to be undoubtedly disappointed when someone hasn’t posted) has drastically cut down on this tendency-although I do have a few blogs on there of people who don’t know me but I appreciate reading their blogs.  Strange?  Maybe.  Reality?  Yes.

It’s crazy when we think of all the information at our fingertips–I’ve definited “found” (stalked?) old boyfriends when trying to contact them out of curiousity–or seeking forgiveness.  I’ve discovered long-lost friends via the world wide web (some searching even require more persistancy-such as calling the workplace they were linked to, etc.)  And, actually, a good friend, as prompted by a classic “Sex in the City” episode, discovered the “secret life” of her current boyfriend/dating interest  and ended the relationship based on the findings of a quality “gooogle search”.

Really, I’m just nosey.  It used to be a problem on my college basketball team, but even Roz came to appreciate it (okay, maybe “accept” would be a better word) as she realized my intentions were not ill (is that a good incorporation, Raleigh?)-I really just want to know to learn.  I am drawn to people-and I’ve been told the reverse is true of me-that people are drawn to me.  I pray it’s the Jesus in me that they see and are drawn to.  But, really, maybe it’s just my height and dimples.  Whatever it is, I am grateful for the opportunity to meet new people and learn new things because everyone has a story to tell.  Anyways, the original intention of this blog was to share two things:

• My growing questions, thoughts, and feelings on this Christian walk of mine I am so enjoying
• The details of two great trips I’ve just returned from

But, now that I’m well over a reasonable word limit and will be lucky to have any readers-those snipets will just have to wait.  So, for you fellow stalker-er, nosey-uh, overly-interested people out there: this should be a week chalk-full of high interest (or no-interest, it really depends on what you’re interested in) blogging from Kar’s Korner.  Keep your eyes peeled (I’ve ended with two phrases I don’t even entirely understand–maybe you can enlighten me “chalk-full” and “keep your eyes peeled”-were they even used appropriately?)

*So, after further conversation with the lady next to me and her husband…they are actually from Scottsdale, follow baseball, their son played with my first friend in AZ’s (the sister of Brandon Wood) now-husband and now their grandkids and my friend and her husband’s nephews (follow that?) play little league together.  SMALL WORLD!  And, really, how do you find those connections out?

Just Processing…

Lately, I feel that I really need to take a time out to think about all the things my mind and heart are trying to learn from my students.  Does that make any sense?  I will try to explain but feel myself about to get caught up in random ramblings rather than anything of importance or clarity….we shall see!

So, this weekend was jam-packed of students.  I’m talking jam-packed (I’m trying to think of a good analogy here but nothing’s coming to mind).  I, and two other dear co-workers/friends, took ten students to Shakey’s pizza on Friday afternoon for passing all of their classes with above a 2.0 and S’s and E’s in work habits and cooperation!  This was an on-going promise throughout the semester and I didn’t realize half of my students would qualify (some couldn’t make the trip)!  I was so impressed and we had a great time (I even swindled the guy down to under $100 for the whole party…persistence pays off!)  As I went to drop my group of students off, I made sure to leave them literally at their door in the hands of their parents.  I mean, really, am I gonna throw a teenager on the streets in South Central at 7pm?!  I think not.  Anyways, one student had a really big problem with this.  She didn’t want me walking her to the door because “her mom is chunty”…whatever that means (watch, it’s probably something really inappropriate I’ve just written forever on this post…).  Luckily, I found a parking spot not too far away from her house and was able to lock the remaining two students in the car and walk her up.  It turns out that her and her mom are living in a one bedroom trailer that someone might hitch to the end of their truck to take on a camping trip.  And it is placed, without wheels, in the front yard of someone else’s home.  No wonder she didn’t want me to walk up while the other students would watch.  My heart broke a little leaving here there and realizing I would have never known her circumstances otherwise because she presents herself so differently at school.  As I re-read that, I am not even sure what I am trying to say.  But maybe you know what I mean?

Saturday I picked up a student at 8am to go to a track clinic put on by Malachi Davis at Santa Monica High School.  This is my now-famous student, Ladejeisha.  She has never been formally trained in her running before but loves running and truly has the athletic build of a runner (she’s somehow now convinced me to form a ‘running’ club afterschool on Wednesdays…she knows how to get things done!).  I was so proud of her being thrown in the midst of high school runners and doing just fine.  I even left her there to go work out, get ready, and pick up three students from last year.  We drove out to get her (and all of the gear she got there!)…she told me how she had been trying to read the signs along the school’s wall and had met a bunch of the other athletes.  The five of us then drove to Pasadena to watch a step show put on by a Historically Black College Expo that was going on.  And it lasted 3 1/2 hours.  Seriously.  By then, it was 7:30 and I still wanted to take them to dinner at a decent place.  So, after a trip to Island’s, it was 10pm before I got them home!  Ooops! 

Then comes Sunday morning…I get up at 6:30 to pick up my mentee, Rosalyn.  She was chosen to lead her Leadership group’s presentation of their Business Plan for a student store on their school’s campus.  I was truly impressed, inspired, and in awe of their performance.  They were the only group of all 9th graders and Rosalyn was even told by a seasoned judge that, “she was the best speaker he had ever heard and she needed to hone that skill”.  I mean, seriously, this girl is going places!  If she wants to.  I am proud to be a part of her life.  They ended up “losing” that day…meaning they didn’t bring home the $1,000 prize.  The grand prize, along with three others, went to Santa Monica High School.  Which is a little frustrating on my part knowing all of the resources that are there.  However, like I told Rosalyn, you don’t want to win just because of where you live.  Watching their reactions was an interesting experience as well.  I was proud they kept on their front and were able to clap for the recipients, but I could see the tears stinging their eyes.  Rosalyn let loose afterwards, but at least it was around her group rather an in public.  It’s all about the when and where, folks!  That day wrapped up around 5pm.  See what I mean about jam-packed?

Today, a student stayed in during 3rd period to discuss his father with me.  His dad is elderly and Leo is the only one at home with him. Leo’s dad has been having a lot of problems with his eyes and Leo has spent the last five days at home taking care of his dad, bringing him to eye appointments (via bus and taxi), and trying to organize further appointments.  He is 13 years old and is reading at the 3rd grade level and is put in a position where he is essentially the sole care-provider for his aging father.  Leo just kept saying, “I’m just so tired. I’m just so tired”.  He is having to cook, clean, bring his laundry to his mom’s house since his dad’s place doesn’t have facilities, coordinate times with the “care taker” he has at times…but who doesn’t always have transportation herself.  I just can’t imagine being in this position as a 7th grader.  I remember seeing my dad on crutches when I was younger and hiding behind a couch just staring at him because it was so weird to see my dad: someone who was supposed to be invincible and protect me, be in a debilitating position.  But, something tells me this is just the beginning of it for Leo.  And my heart goes out to him.  And the rest of my students and all of the people in this world today who have the weight of the world upon their shoulders and are just trying to make it by.  God bless them.  Truly and immensely.  I don’t know if I could do it, but I sure am glad that each one of them are because I am learning more every day through their example.