Microwave Generation

I think this phenomena of the “microwave generation” is negatively impacting all aspects of our American life.  For those of you who haven’t heard of this phrase, it’s basically referring to the fact that we have become accustomed to things instantaneously rather than waiting for something in its own time.

There are several things that are leading to this post: conversations, reflections, reading, and more than likely a huge influence is the time-it is 1:30am and I am exhausted, but keep thinking about this thought I am going to try to put into words.

We are created in God’s image.  I believe the creation all around us reflects God’s character-in this, I am also referring to seasons, plants, harvests, nature, etc.  It breaks my heart that so much of our image of God is being jaded by the culture we are surrounded by-this so-called “microwave generation” mentality.  There is a time where a carrot is nothing but a tiny thing under the ground.  In looking at the ground, it sure doesn’t seem like there’s much going on-especially not something actively being created that could potentially help sustain us, nourish us, and replenish us.  Oftentimes in seasons of loneliness, frustration, and dissatisfaction in our lives, we expect a quick fix.  Rather, I expect a quick fix.  I don’t want to go through the negative to get to the positive.  I just want it all positive.  And right now.  Or even yesterday.

I have been so encouraged by reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and through conversations at my Bible Study tonight at how much God’s character truly is revealed through His creation.  I have been disillusioned by this “need” for busyness, and doing (we are human beings afterall, right?  Not human doings), and productivity as measured by what I can mark of my list.  I pray that I can be more sensitive to His desire for my life-rather than my society’s desire for my life.  That I can sit still and bask in the knowledge that HE I S GOD.  I desire to reflect Him in all that I do-not just at the times that are convenient, or when I feel like it, or when it’s my desire.  Different things are in season at different times.  I want to wholeheartedly embrace what I am experiencing in this season.  A season of singleness (despite my desire to have children), a season of transition (despite my desire for stability), a season of relying on Him (despite my desire to map it all out), a season to learn and grown (despite my desire to be complacent), a season of learning to slow down (despite my desire to go, go, go) and a season of nobody commenting on my blog (despite my desire to have hundreds of comments daily) . 

What season are you in?

She’s Leaving Us For Jesus!

So, my students new ploy for making me feel guilty is constantly reminding me that I am “leaving them for Jesus!”.  Although there are some pangs of guilt, I am also glad that they understand why I’m going…even if they don’t get it quite yet!  I keep telling them that one day they will understand when they look back on it!

It is now relatively official: I called today to inform the Women’s Program director at Denton Bible Church that I will definitely not be attending their program in August.  It was a tough decision since it is a program I have wanted to do since becoming a Christian in 2000.  However, I am finally back close to my family and have formed a group of solid friends that I am not quite ready to leave yet!

So, as of this point, I will be applying to the Horizon School of Evangelism in San Diego and see what the Lord does there!  I have no idea where I’ll be living, how I’ll be making money, what I’ll do, etc.  And, it’s really exciting!  I am so used to planning out my life, it’s nice to be at a point to fully rely upon the Lord to provide!  I know He’ll do way more than I could even plan anyways!

 

Off I Go!

I’m heading to Texas on Friday morning (really more like Thursday night since I’m leaving so early…sorry, sister!). Going to yet another wedding that I’m highly looking forward to!

It will also be a good time to seek out where God wants me next year…I’d almost rather have doors closed than having to choose a “better” option (I know you can empathize, KD)! Most of you know this, some of you don’t: I’m 99% sure I’ll be moving to San Diego next year to do a Discipleship program at a non-denominational church down there. Please continue to pray for me as I commit to a decision that is led by my desire to serve and honor Him!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things!

Hallelujah!!! Testing is offically done with. I use the term ‘officially’ with trepidation here…as I realized today I forgot to turn in five forms I was supposed to (they are letting me fax it tomorrow) and I am certain they will be calling within the week to inform me of something that I’ve done wrong (thankfully, it’s usually fixable!) So, tomorrow it’s back to the classroom after FOUR WEEKS out!! I really, really miss my students (although many of them have been swinging by periodically to wish me well and remind me of what a bad decision I made).

Anyways, after I went to turn in the materials at 11am, I decided to make it an “All About Me” kinda day! So, I called up to the massage college and set up an appointment. First, I went home to organize my life a little and got to see Risa & Co. (the four recent high school grads who are staying with me) before they headed out to Hollywood (I am thoroughly enjoying the Tillman invasion…and look forward to another Tillman visit in June!)

I then proceeded to jump in my car (after watching them fully utilize team work to back out of my carport without damaging the car…those of you have been here know what a challenge that proves to be!). A lot of productivity quickly ensued. I went to Sports Authority and bought some cycling get up, went tanning (I know, I know), got some Jamba Juice, and headed to my massage appointment at my alma mater Massage School where I enjoyed a fabulous massage. My massage therapist’s name was Paul and we just had a ball (no rhyme intended here initially). We had a wonderful conversation about life: education, exploring options, following your passion, approaching 30, etc. He moved out here a few years ago from Chicago to pursue his writing and spoken word career. Which led me to tell him about Rosalyn, the little girl I mentor who is absolutely captivating when it comes to public speaking, and in particular, spoken word. So, at the end of my hour and a half massage session (it was supposed to be an hour, but we got lost in conversation and he lost track of time which is a-ok by me because, being 6′3”, I feel an hour massage doesn’t fully get all of my body thoroughly), he ran out to his car to give me a DVD and brochures to give to Rosalyn. I haven’t checked it all out yet, but you sure can here.

Upon leaving the fabulous massage, I went on a half hour run on the beach in preparation for this triathlon I have in less than three weeks! I stopped by at Trader Joe’s to get some necessities and came upon Dark Chocolate covered Joe-Joe’s. Really not okay because they are so amazing! Consider this your warning: do not try these cookies. I also got my car washed, which is always so gratifying when you can see out the windows even with the sun shining in because the dirt is not reflecting it making you blind.

I came back home to jump on my bike and head to the P.O. and bank with my recently purchased helmet. I am slightly unconfident (real word?) in my biking skills. I feel a little threatened by the big cars and don’t want to be annoying to them when I’m in the lane…but know that I am not supposed to dominate the sidewalks either. I’m sure I’ll grow more confident as the practice continues. But, let me tell you…after all of about a 1.2 mile round trip, I am definitely in need of some suggestions for a good bike seat. I mean, seriously. As soon as possible. Preferrably with some padding.

All in all, today turned out to be a pretty fabulous day! The only sad part is that our neighbors are moving…and although I’ve never had an actual conversation with them (language barrier and I’m also ‘unconfident’ in my Spanish speaking abilities which is annoying) and even though it sometimes resembles a playground with all the kids running around and random fiestas they have, they really are a sweet family with two beautiful children! Best wishes to my neighbors! (I always have a weird thing about when people leave me…I’m used to doing the leaving!)

All the Beautiful People

I really love people. It’s kind of an obsession actually. I just love talking to people, and listening to people, and meeting people, and learning from people. Seeing people smile and hearing them laugh just brings me such joy. I can think of several incidences in the last day that have brought me such joy:

• A teacher yesterday staying afterschool to thank me for all I have done with the testing and making it run so smoothly.  She was so deliberate in pointing out how beautiful I was and that it meant so much to her that I was always positive.  (Thank you, Jesus!)
• The employees at In ‘N Out Yesterday were so incredibly helpful and friendly.  I’m not kidding when I say they ran to assist me when I brought back in my cheeseburger because it was supposed to be a grilled cheese (I think I accidentally ordered a grilled cheeseburger…oops!)
• This lady just knocked on my door this morning to get me to vote for some Supervisor of the City.  We had such a lovely conversation about education, inequality, human rights, etc.  Granted, I know she’s out politicking (sp?), but it still felt like a genuine conversation

 
Having these kind of brief, and rather shallow-I admit, interactions reminds me of the good in people. So much of life is tainted by the bad and it gets discouraging and disheartening. I can think of one such incident that completely breaks my heart (please note, this is obviously not going to be an uplifting story, so don’t feel pressure to continue reading if you don’t want to):

• I was looking forward to this morning.  It was going to be the first time since April 29th (yes, I consulted my planner for this tidbit) I was able to sleep in without an alarm.  Of course, at 6:17 I awoke in a state of panic thinking I was late to work where I am so desperately needed to disseminate testing material.  It took several attempts to remind myself it was Saturday before falling back to sleep.  Forty minutes later, I was awakened by a man screaming at a woman.  It included the “f word” approximately every other word, an average of four to six times per sentence.  So much so, I couldn’t even understand what he was attempting to communicate because it was so dominated by his other choice word.  For those of you who haven’t been to my apartment, I wasn’t just being completely nosey here…there really is no avoiding hearing parts of other people’s elevated conversations because of the close proximity.   After screaming out my window, “Everyone can hear you.  Shut up!” and hearing the reply, “Shut the f&%* up, b$%&*”, I realized I was a little out of my league here.  This being said, I really am not even afraid at my house because I know if anything happens, I’ll be able to scream and have approximately 271 people hear.  Which is what the woman involved in this verbal altercation was driven to do when the man got violent.  It was horrible.  I did call the police.  I was glad when I heard from the dispatcher that someone else had also reported it.  I was definitely shaking because I was so rattled by this.  And I just sat and prayed for them until I heard the police arrive.  Isn’t that a lovely way to wake up?

I am saddened for the woman involved in this because I am not naive enough to believe this was the first time this had happened.  It just breaks my heart this stuff goes on around us all of the time, and oftentimes is avoided or covered up.  It makes me grateful for the positive interactions I do have and prayerful for the ones that aren’t so positive.

 

Perspective

Today, on my flight home, I was once again reminded of God’s sovereignty and beautiful promises and faithfulness. I had fallen asleep before the plane even took off while we were idling in the runway. About an hour later, I woke up just in time to see my favorite view (similar to one I’ve shared on here before) of the clouds and how beautiful they are when you look down upon them. They really just remind me of the heaven I picture (although I know it might not be realistic…you all know what I’m talking about!). I fell back asleep smiling since I felt God had nudged me awake just to allow me see that wondrous view. A few minutes (seconds?) later I woke up again and peered out the window to see myself in the midst of those clouds I had just admired. And it was kinda ugly. Gray and blurry and really not much to write home about. And it made the ride bumpy for a short while. This reminded me of the importance of perspective. Moments before, I had admired God’s beautiful layout and intricate design of the clouds. However, now in the midst of those clouds, I was not as amused.

This reminded me of my life right now. While a little bit removed (like I was this weekend while at home for Lindsay’s wedding), I can think about all I have to do and feel okay, satisfied, and even encouraged and calm at times. But, while in the midst of things (Tuesday night comes to mind, Jamie and Bekah), I get distraught, disheartened, overwhelmed, etc. So, while flying through the clouds, I was reminded it’s all about a shift of perspective. Things this week with Testing might suck a little bit. Hey, maybe even a lot. But, once I’m a little removed from the situation, I’ll be able to relax and breathe, and even remember that God’s beauty and grace and goodness were reflected even in the worst of times. And really, it’s not even the worst of times. It just seems so from that perspective.

American Heritage Dictionary
per·spec·tive (pər-spěk’tĭv)
n.

1. A view or vista.
2. A mental view or outlook: “It is useful occasionally to look at the past to gain a perspective on the present” (Fabian Linden).
3. The relationship of aspects of a subject to each other and to a whole: a perspective of history; a need to view the problem in the proper perspective.

Dynamic and deliberate

As of late, I have been encouraged, inspired, and reminded of God’s faithfulness. And the reality that a relationship with Him is just like any other in the respect that it is constantly evolving and changing and growing. How astounding that the Creator of the Universe desires to have an intimate relationship with me. I am thankful for my mom’s request to hear how I became a Christian now almost nine years ago….crazy to not have shared that! I am grateful for my dad’s confliction over Sunday’s sermon and the questions and conversations it prompted. All of it reminds me that God desires to have each one of us constantly be striving to know Him more and be more aware of His presence.

The past few months, I have been taking a course at the Bible College offered through my church on Galatians and Ephesians. I have thoroughly enjoyed the consistency this brought to my spiritual life and the fire it lit to learn more and grow more. Through the people in my class, my professor, and ultimately the Holy Spirit, I have been challenged to dig deeper. Although I am sad tonight was our last class, I will be taking a course on Prayer next semester starting May 14th. I feel like I got a little sneak peak tonight in class. John mentioned the fact that a majority of (if not all) the prayers in the New Testament are commands (i.e. in the storm, Jesus commands “Be still”. The Lord’s Prayer “Thy will be done, Thy Kingdom come”) and they are approached in a positive light (“Be healed”, “Be cleansed” rather than “Do not be in pain any longer”, “Do not be dirty anymore”). This really shed a light onto my prayer life. So often, I find myself requesting selfish prayers such as “take my anxiety away…help me stop worrying” rather than declaring the promises I have in Jesus “Give me peace. Calm my heart.” etc. A slight shift of semantics, really, but with powerful implications!

Also on my heart lately has been the importance of ‘community’ (one of the Christian buzz words, I know…but still!) and accountability. Sometimes I worry that I get too caught up in this…but really, in being created in His image, we are relational beings so it’s only natural that I would desire these relationships in my life. And I am thankful for the people He has placed in my life to bring stability, accountability, and encouragement! He is a good God who loves us well.

In His Hands…

That time has come again.  Today marks the fourth year since Kisha passed away.  Today is what would have been her 25^th birthday.  I think back on my 25^th year that has just recently concluded; it was one of my favorite and I can’t help but be sad she isn’t able to experience it for herself.  However, there is a part of me as I learn more about Heaven and eternity; that is also a little panged with jealousy in knowing where she is. 

 

It is interesting that oftentimes when we go through trials, we are unable to understand why things are going on.  Although I do not fully comprehend His entire purpose in her death, hindsight has given me the ability to see the good that He has promised would come out of things like this.  During her last week at the hospital, I promised her that I would share her story….His story through her….often.  Of course, as time has passed, I haven’t shared it as much as I would have liked to believe I was going to.  Many of you know this story, some of you do not.  I will probably do it a disservice in trying to convey it in a written format, but I hope you will be able to see His sovereignty through it all.

 

Kisha and I became friends my sophomore year (her freshman) at the University of North Texas.  She was a track athlete and was often around our dorm.  We instantly hit it off and became practically inseparable.  Of course, with anybody you spend that much time with, feelings were hurt and there are a lot of things I regret about our relationship.  The main one is how much I turned her off to God, prompting her even once to tell me that I made her hate God.  What terrible words to hear.  Particularly when they ring true.

 

In March of 2004, I attended a service at Fellowship that convicted me about my relationship with Kisha.  They were encouraging us to think about what we had in our lives that we were not surrendering to God.  I wanted so much to have Kisha fall in love with Jesus, I had taken it into my own hands and ruined it (thankfully God is much bigger than my mistakes!).  I instantly turned it over to the Lord, cried about it, and apologized to her for all I had done wrong.  And it was a lot.  It was interesting watching her in the last month of her life.  She expressed to me doubts about some things that were going on in her life (that, in looking back, shows me God totally moving in her heart).  She let me know she was just waiting for things to be perfect (to which I replied, you know they’re never going to be until we’re in Heaven).  And, she knew in her last week that she would be dying in a car accident.  Unfortunately, I kinda scoffed at this idea although many of our last conversations revolved around this.  She said she wasn’t afraid, that she had become closer to God during that week because rather than turning to me she would turn straight to Him, and I found out later she had even been talking to another Christian friend at night asking questions about salvation and Heaven.  Her mom remembers seeing her a few weeks prior and it struck her how much she looked like an angel.  God was definitely leading her life.

 

Our last interaction was something I will hold in my heart forever.  She was going to go on a motorcycle ride with a friend and we were supposed to go to her Aunt’s later that day.  That morning, her mom called, she called her brothers, and she even heard from her dad.  We were watching Venus and Serena.  Her friend called to let her know he was outside waiting.  When she got to the door, she turned back and told me she loved me.  And reminded me that it would probably be the last time she would tell me that in person.  I asked if there was anything she wanted me to tell to anybody and she told me to “just let them know that I love them”.  She came back to give me a hug and I said, “Just make sure you have Jesus in your heart and I’ll see you when I get to Heaven.”   It is very evident the Holy Spirit was guiding this conversation because, really, who has a conversation like this when your best friend tells you she’s going to die?!  She came back in a few minutes later with her helmet on to say a quick “Hey, girl” (those of you that know her can hear her saying this) and headed back out.  A few hours later, she called to let me know that she would just meet me at Monica’s.  Little did I know that would be the last time I would hear her voice.

 

I got to Monica’s and instantly knew something was wrong.  Kisha was not there yet.  I got a picture in my head of myself working the next year and sharing about how I had lost my best friend the year before.  I called her right away and left a voice mail wondering where she was.  Literally, two minutes later, the phone rang.  Tay answered it and started screaming and handed me the phone.  It was their grandma letting us know Kisha had been in a motorcycle accident and was at the hospital.

 

The next six days were surreal.  I can’t even completely remember all that went on.  But it was a lot.  Her pastor referred to it as the Harris Methodist Revival (the hospital she was at).  My mom flew in town, close to 30 people were in and out each day, and we formed new friendships.  It was a roller coaster ride of not knowing if she would make it, being convinced that she would, and hearing in my mind all of our conversations from the week before.  She was ready to go Home.  Her biggest fear in dying young was that her mom would be devastated.

 

On Good Friday, April 9th, Kisha’s 21^st birthday, her mom came in and let us know the Lord had awoken her that morning to tell her He needed to take Kisha home.  After singing Happy Birthday and saying good-bye, her mom let her know that she would be okay and God would give her strength, and we would all make it.  She died within 20 minutes.  About 50 of us shared in celebrating her life that day.  And began to mourn her death.

 

Although many of the details come and go, and I’m sure that each of us involved has a different perspective, it is impossible to try to claim that God was not involved in all of this.  At her funeral, I watched hundreds of people touched by His story of her life.  At the hospital, on airplanes, at my job….I listened to people who were impacted because of all of this.  I watched her brother stand up in a congregation and share words from 1 Peter: “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold…may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed”.  Why do we question Him?  His love, His care, His patience, and long-suffering nature.  He works in mysterious ways that continually point back to the Truth that has gotten me this far. 

 

I am grateful for the short time I got to have Kisha in my life.  For her family that has been so supportive and loving.  For my better understanding of the Lord because of our friendship.  And, even for the pain of her death that has drawn me closer to Him.  Although there are few days that pass that I do not think about her, I am comforted in knowing Someone much bigger than all of this has it all under control.  And I wait patiently for the day I will be up there too, praying I make the most of the limited time I am given here. 

Livin’ the LA Life

So, really, I have not taken full advantage of living in this extremely diverse city that I live in.  It is full of festivities, concerts, exhibits, beaches, and all-around fun of many kinds that I have not divulged in.  Enter today.

It started out a typical Saturday morning-picked up some students to go cheer on Gompers Middle School’s basketball teams.  Now, while this isn’t typically what I do Saturday, it definitely wasn’t noteworthy or anything completely out of the ordinary.  I work with some pretty cool kids that are great to spend time with.  So, we ran around for a few hours cheering teams on, eating some wings (I momentarily forgot about the fact I haven’t eaten meat in two weeks…oops!  Regular vegetarian/pescatarian influence will begin again tomorrow!), and having fun.

I dropped them off and headed to Amber’s to begin the search for clothing to meet this new “style” I have in mind.  Went to the Vintage Thrift shop to search around, to no avail…but still had a good time doin’ our thang!  Ran back home to eat quick snack and change.  Five of us stuffed into Reg (he’s not quite as roomy as the Envoy…but he gets the job done.  And done well!  Albeit quaintly) and headed to Shay’s photography exhibit in Venice.  It was a cute little studio right by the beach with several artists struttin’ their stuff!  It really was quite elegant.  Complete with wine, conversation, and hors d’oerves (I try to spell this unsuccessfully everytime…but I know you know what I mean).  Throwing my plate full of crumbs onto an older gentleman was highly embarrassing, but he was very understanding for the most part.  I mean, really….who does that?  Dang wind! 

Upon leaving the exhibit, we all decided it would be wonderful if everyone lived in a musical.  Where people sang and danced and busted into choreographed moves randomly on the streets.  You better believe this led to much fun on the walk back to the car.  I’m serious when I say my voice is a little bit scratchy from all the singing.  You really should try this.  Incorporate dance moves and drama when appropriate.  I noticed strangers were not as enthusiastic about this musical approach, as they seemed to believe we were mocking them rather than trying to invite them into this musical world of ours. 

We all skidaddled (once again, not claiming to be a spelling bee winner here) over to Temple Bar to watch Fosforo perform.  Hopefully that link works.  It literally took four attempts to add it in here, and I must admit I am a little bit impressed with myself.   It was really awesome.  In case the link doesn’t work, which is a highly likely assumption, I will just let you know they are a little reggae/punk/electronica/mix/goodness all in one.  If I had posted about Spring Break yet, you would have known about my newfound love of reggae.   Which I also do not know if I am spelling correctly.  Whatever!  Anyways, the evening ended with a fabulous conversation with a musician named Alex.  Not quite famous yet…but a musician nonetheless.

Sorry, Raleigh, I didn’t have the chance to catch up with Jennifer today.  She was busy and had to reschedule.

In light of my last post and the fact I’m feeling a little more uplifted, I’ll go ahead and entertain a 5 + 2:

5 Things I’m Grateful For:

• That Reg defrosts rapidly and remarkably.  It really was breathtaking.
• Great friends who like to do cool things and allow me to tag along
• My students who keep me laughing, motivated, and encouraged
• Living with my sister: watching Food Network, playing Dr. Mario, plotting against birds, etc.
• A low-key day tomorrow!

2 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

• Fun weekend activities over the next two months! (bachelorette party, retreat, Arizona, mom’s wedding, Santa Barbara, Lindsay’s wedding, Grandma’s 90th birthday, Monica’s wedding, etc.)  WHEW!!
• CST Testing being over and done with so I can relax a little more!

We are called to Love…

So a lot has been on my heart today about the fragility and brevity of life here on earth.   I was made aware today of a dear student of mine who has been going through some frustrations at home and at school and has had a difficult time learning how to cope with it all in a healthy manner.  After many tears and difficult conversations, we are all working together to ensure she gets the help that she needs to overcome what’s going on.  But, that really hit me hard.  I am grateful she felt comfortable confiding in me, but I am pained by what she is going through.  I am crying as I write this just feeling at such a loss as to what to do to help.  I really do not feel I know what to say or what to do, nor do I feel prepared for all the situations I am confronted with in the lives of those around me.  I was affirmed tonight by a friend who said, obviously you do or God would not have you there….and another who reminded me of the importance of continually allowing God to speak through me.

When caught up in all the emotions, frustration, and sadness, this becomes a difficult thing to remember to do.  I become selfish wondering why this is happening to people around me and why I feel the hurt the way that I do.  Really, though, it has not happened to me.  It has happened to the people around me that I love so deeply and dearly.  Which ultimately leads to feeling pain when they feel pain.  In thinking back on my life, I can’t help but feel a little guilty for how “easy” things have been for me.  Even though I have struggled with some things, the events that have impacted me most deeply really have not concerned me at all: my parent’s divorce, my sister’s hurts, Kisha’s death, my student’s disappointments.  But, because I love these people, I feel some of the pain.

It is coming up on four years since my best friend, Kisha Gentry, passed away.  In some ways, it seems like days and in some ways it seems like an eternity.  I can still hear her laugh and often find myself thinking about what she would have said in response to different stories or situations.  But, I sometimes wonder how our friendship would have developed.  Many of my friendships have changed throughout my many moves across the states and through my constant changing, growing, and learning and I wonder where she would have been in the picture. 

I just finished watching a Dateline which spoke about two students from Taylor University who were a case of ‘mistaken identity’.  There was a terrible accident and five people were killed….five weeks later, it was discovered that the one girl in Intensive Care was actually one of the five whose funeral had been held, memorial service had been attended, and whose body had been buried.  Can you imagine the twist of events for both of these families?  What a bittersweet time.  But, how interesting that the girl who has since fully recovered has been able to watch her funeral on video tape and see the site where her family chose to bury her.  What a surreal feeling.  Morbid, really.  But what an interesting experience to have the opportunity to live the rest of your life with a different perspective.  What would be said at my funeral?  Am I living in a way that glorifies God?  What else can I do today to ensure I have no regrets?  Will I one day here the words I yearn to hear: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

I finished reading a book entitled, In Light of Eternity which was a very eye-opening look at Heaven and what we have to expect (and all that is beyond what we could even imagine) when that day comes.  I took a few students out tonight and it was neat getting to have a conversation about heaven and each of our thoughts about it.  I really am more scared of getting hurt than dying.  But, this fear definitely holds me back from doing many things I really would like to do.

Through all of this going on in my heart, I pray God continues to use this to have me draw closer to Him.  When confronted with situations so much bigger than me, I hope that I am constantly reminded of His sovereignty.  With all the reminders of death around us, I am confident that the Lord will use them as reminders to make the most of each day….for Him.  After all, we are called to Love.  And let’s do so with reckless abandon.  Even if it hurts.

 Sorry if this was little “Debbie-downer”!  More uplifting posts to follow I’m sure!