Sad times…Good Memories!

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Kalyb’s been gone an entire day now. The house just isn’t the same – part because of his laughter, personality, and spunk and the other part because we’ve started the packing! What an incredible eleven weeks we had with Kalyb in our daily lives. Despite the heartache and devastation in August when we found out we weren’t going to have him with us, we are able to see the Lord’s hand in it all. We were at a much better place in our marriage (as far as getting to know each other and starting to figure each other out…I mean, when you only date for 6 months, there’s quite a bit left to learn!) when we were able to pick him up in April and for that reason, were really able to make the most out of the last few months we had him.

We sure did fill up those days and weekends! From the moment he arrived, there was something going on (surprise, surprise, I know). The first week, Deja was here with us as it was her spring break. Kalyb requested that she become his sister since he didn’t have one 🙂 The next weekend was Easter and it was up to Grandma Kim and Grandpa Jim’s house. The following weekend was a pre-planned girls weekend for me – so Kalyb got to meet and greet my whole Casa Camden crew! And I spent the night away, but at 8am was up and ready to get home to my Hubs and my Kalyb! The next weekend was Mother’s Day – so down came the Grandparents and off to Balboa park we went. In the middle of May, I had a Rest & Renewal women’s retreat – so Kalyb got to spend the weekend with G&G as I drove up to Ojai for some time alone with the Lord. We were reaching our half way point with Kalyb and my heart was growing more and more entwined with him and I was devastated thinking about today. The Lord touched my heart. Comforted me. Gave me what I needed as I sat in His presence. The next weekend, my Dad aka ‘Grandpa Tom’ came over to visit and we were able to rendezvous with Rudy and his family as well. So that weekend was full of beach, movies, and Chuck E. Cheese. Then, Gramps had to go back to ‘where he belonged’ – but it wasn’t long until the next weekend! For Memorial Day, Steph and Kristen came down and had a sleep-over in Kalyb’s room. With all the other activity, I’m blanking out on what we actually did that weekend (help me out, Steph and KD!). It was fun nonetheless! The next weekend, my ‘Lindsay Star’ came into town and we had a great time catching up, learning swim lessons in the tub (Kalyb’s now showering!!), and hanging out with the little man. The following weekend was our first ‘down weekend’ and G&G came back into town for dinner and a walk around the lake them back to the house for ice cream and wine (don’t worry, Kalyb didn’t partake in that!). Finally, it was the end of school which also meant that Josiah’s mom was in town, it was Josiah’s birthday, and Father’s day! WHEW! We had a fun time celebrating with Josiah’s family and friends at the park on Saturday, the 18th. For Father’s Day, we were up in OC where my mom cooked and spoiled the boys and we all got to relax before our vacation began! Then, from June 20th – June 27th, we were on the road! 1300 miles to be exact! We stopped in LA to pick up Deja then we were off to SLO for time with cousins, then up to San Fran for an AMAZING week with my INCREDIBLE sister aka Best Aunt ever! We had a blast frolicking throughout the city and Kalyb did a great job entertaining, amusing, and impressing everyone. Becca was even asked who the cherub of a child was?! Saturday, it was back through SLO where we got to hang out with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Ken before stopping in OC for time with more cousins and G&G. WHEW! Needless to say, Kalyb slept past 10 the next morning (I was up early to head to work summer school….who needs sleep, right?!)

 Our last week was full of more family time – G&G took us out to dinner in Oceanside on Tuesday. Josiah had Friday and Saturday off – so we spent Friday at the zoo and Saturday around the house and at the park with Matt aka ‘Sunshine’ and Erica. At 8, it was off to the airport to pick up Maggie (Kalyb’s mom) – it was our first meeting in person and we had a good time. I’m sure she thinks I’m crazy with all my lists, opinions, and suggestions – but she’s so polite she says she appreciates it. Maybe she’ll learn to ask me to keep my mouth quiet 😉 Bless her heart, she’d been traveling for over 48 hours and came to our house for about 8 hours before it was back to the airport on Sunday morning for them to hit the road. They’ll be at her mom’s house for the next few weeks before heading back to Germany. We’ll figure out next year’s summer visit as the time gets closer, and in the meantime, I’ll remain thankful for Skype!

To say I’m heartbroken would be an understatement. But, I guess that’s a good thing – shows how much I love that little one? But, oh my, the pain. Thankfully, I had several major breakdowns by myself throughout the week so I was able to maintain my composure while his mom was here and when he left. The night before she got here, I cried as I tucked Kalyb in and he just held my neck and rocked me and said, ‘Don’t cry, Karolyn, ‘cause when you cry it feels like I’m crying’. That kid is so compassionate, it’s incredible. Naturally, I’m crying right now as I write this. But, I’m so thankful. Thankful for that 11 weeks. So thankful we have a forgiving and restorative God who, despite my husband’s and my own past, would choose to bless us as He has. It’s absolutely humbling. With everything that He has done in and through our lives, it has to be sin that I would ever doubt or question. So, we continue to covet your prayers as we transition to life without a little almost 5-year old filling our time, taking our energy, teaching our hearts, and making us laugh. We feel so covered and are so incredibly grateful for the people who came and took in Kalyb as part of their family too.

He is an incredible little boy and I am so blessed to have him in my life. Even if it’s not day-in and day-out for this season, I’ll continue to praise our God for allowing us to have this time. As much as I wished it would not end, Kalyb is where he needs to be – in his mom’s arms. He told me last week, ‘Karolyn, I can’t stay forever – my mom needs me too. When I gotta go, I just gotta go!’ Oh my. Wise beyond his 4 years and 11 months (1 month from today is his birthday!). Trusting God to comfort us as we mourn the loss of him in this apartment – and thankful for our upcoming move to distract us! Back to packing…

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About KarolynK

Hey there! Thanks for checking out my blog! My name is Karolyn (as you probably know) and I live in San Diego with my amazing Husband. I've been teaching Special Education for the bast six years and LOVE it! I am loving life and just trying to figure out if I'm doing what it is that God is wanting me to do....always a process! Thanks for sharing in this journey with me though, I really do appreciate it.

One response »

  1. YA-YA! My has it been such a long time…I thought about you today as I looked at the Teach For America website. I thought you were (are) a member of the Corps. Anyway, I am enjoying reading your blog! You inspire me to put my thoughts to paper! LOL. Email me when you have the chance. Luv Ya!

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